I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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