Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
