I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he thought i was a dude.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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