I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
