no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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