Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...