fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
