I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.