In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole