singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?