I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.