it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.