I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed