girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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