I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
