man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
