Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
