We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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