You're my little dorito
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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