How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
