im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
