I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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