I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
