I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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