I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
and you fell through a lawn chair
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
