He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
