And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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