I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
