It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
