I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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