how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
