Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
