I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
