the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
