Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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