when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
