hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
