I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize