Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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