The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
