dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
