i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
