just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
