Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
