So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
