Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
