I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
