Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
