we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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