The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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