im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
