So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need a burrito and a hug.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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