I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
