So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
