apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And then he peed in my hair
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