That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
