I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
someone owes me an orgasm
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
