apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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