listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
