On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
