Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am in a vortex of obligation.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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