I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
