My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
