3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
