We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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