We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
