there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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