i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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