sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
