I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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