Four minutes until I can fart!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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