i just made my gag reflex go away.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
